By O. Tyrone Shulaise
LOS ANGELES, 5 AUGUST 2010 Editor's Note: In his series of
comic essays, The Imagined Dénouement, Mr. Shulaise selects a book he has
not read and based solely on the appearance of its cover
presupposes what the final page would (or more accurately,
and virulent, which will have the added benefit of greatly reducing the
population of any flesh-eating zombies.
The survivors of an atomic disaster will have to tap into the same
pioneer spirit that made the USA the greatest and most advanced
civilization in the history of the world. Will you, your wife and your
children face hardships? The plain answer is "yes." But stop for a minute
and think of the benefits a nuclear disaster will bring.
What will you see as you exit your disaster shelter? A world nearly
wiped clean of the myriad of problems that burdened it before! The
industries that employed unsavory workers will be idle. The insects that
made your family picnics difficult to enjoy will be gone. The modern
influences that threatened your children everything from the popular
"music" on the radio to the unwelcome philosophies of the new breed of
public school teachers will be silenced!
And just who will you meet in this newly-washed world? People like you!
Those who shared the same forethought, the same vital urge to plan ahead,
the same valiant fortitude you showed. People who think like you, look
like you, speak the same language and share the same values as you. Gone
will be the cacophony of gobbledy-gook languages and the crazy-quilt of
foreign ideas expressed by those who spoke them!
You and your fellow survivors will share so much in common that the
goal to rebuild, renew and re-arm the new USA will be quickly and easily
achieved. You will march shoulder to shoulder bravely into the future,
secure in the knowledge that atomic disaster can be survived. And, as with
anything, practice makes perfect. Having survived the first attack, you
will be all the better prepared for the inevitable future ones.
God bless you, brave pioneer! And God bless the USA!
How To Survive an Atomic Bomb
Bantam Books, 1950
At the time of this articles publication, several vintage copies,
ranging in price from $20 - $50, were available at Amazon.com.
O. Tyrone Shulaise is a writer and phrenologist based in
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