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WTO Announces Compassionate Slavery Market for Africa (and Yes Men Hoax Wharton School)

 

By Culturekiosque Staff

NEW YORK, 14 November 2006—Satirical hoaxters "The Yes Men", whose real names are Jacques Servin and Igor Vamos, are self-styled "culture jammers" best known for posing as spokespeople for multinational corporations like Dow Chemical Company and government institutions , as well as operating hoax web sites like www.gwbush.com, during the 2000 United States Presidential Election, and www.gatt.org , which spoofs the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.

Over the years, lay audiences, government and corporate officials, and major media outlets have been taken in by their pranks and poses, such as claiming that Dow Chemical would take responsibility for cleaning up the consequences of the Bhopal disaster, or that US oil companies would contribute their windfall profits to help with post-Hurricane Katrina reconstruction in New Orleans.

Their latest successful strike targeted a conference on business in Africa at the the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School. Supposed World Trade Organization representative Hanniford Schmidt delivered an address whose satirical spirit channels Jonathan Swift's "A modest proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick."

Announcing the re-institution of "compassionate slavery" for Africans, run by multinational corporations, Servin and Vamos call attention to just how little value is currently placed on African lives, as well as the gullibility of conference organizers and attendees, who apparently, for the most part, swallowed the hoax whole, down to the presence of Schmidt's "stewardee", Thomas Bongani-Nkemdilim during the panel discussion.

Panel discussions at Penn: A little more attention, a little less respect?

Dr. Laurie Ann Agama, Director for African Affairs at the Office of the US Trade Representative, respectfully (defensively?) claimed credit for similar thinking, saying that "the USTR view adds details to the WTO's general approach."

The Yes Men marked the success of their hoax by issuing (in character, of course) the following press release, which will no doubt initially take in yet another wave of recipients. Watch for a wave of indignant editorials in response to this one, from the same crew raging against Borat .

Philadelphia - At a Wharton Business School conference on business in Africa, World Trade Organization representative Hanniford Schmidt announced the creation of a WTO initiative for "full private stewardry of labor" for the parts of Africa that have been hardest hit by the 500 years of Africa's free trade with the West.

US Trade Representative
Laurie Ann Agama, with
"Schmidt" and "Thomas"

The initiative will require Western companies doing business in some parts of Africa to own their workers outright. Schmidt recounted how private stewardship has been successfully applied to transport, power, water, traditional knowledge, and even the human genome. The WTO's "full private stewardry" program will extend these successes to (re)privatize humans themselves.

"Full, untrammelled stewardry is the best available solution to
African poverty, and the inevitable result of free-market theory,"
Schmidt told more than 150 attendees. Schmidt acknowledged that the stewardry program was similar in many ways to slavery, but explained that just as "compassionate conservatism" has polished the rough edges on labor relations in industrialized countries, full stewardry, or "compassionate slavery," could be a similar boon to developing ones.

The audience included Prof. Charles Soludo (Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria), Dr. Laurie Ann Agama (Director for African Affairs at the Office of the US Trade Representative), and other notables. Agama prefaced her remarks by thanking Scmidt for his macroscopic perspective, saying that the USTR view adds details to the WTO's general approach. Nigerian Central Bank Governor Soludo also acknowledged the WTO proposal, though he did not seem to appreciate it as much as did Agama.

A system in which corporations own workers is the only free-market solution to African poverty, Schmidt said. "Today, in African factories, the only concern a company has for the worker is for his or her productive hours, and within his or her productive years," he said. "As soon as AIDS or pregnancy hits--out the door. Get sick, get fired. If you extend the employer's obligation to a 24/7, lifelong concern, you have an entirely different situation: get sick, get care. With each life valuable from start to finish, the AIDS scourge will be quickly contained via accords with drug manufacturers as a profitable investment in human stewardees. And educating a child for later might make more sense than working it to the bone right now."

To prove that human stewardry can work, Schmidt cited a proposal by a free-market think tank to save whales by selling them. "Those who don't like whaling can purchase rights to specific whales or groups of whales in order to stop those particular whales from getting whaled as much," he explained. Similarly, the market in Third-World humans will "empower" caring First Worlders to help them, Schmidt said.

One conference attendee asked what incentive employers had to remain as stewards once their employees are too old to work or reproduce. Schmidt responded that a large new biotech market would answer that worry. He then reminded the audience that this was the only possible solution under free-market theory.

There were no other questions from the audience that took issue with Schmidt's proposal.

During his talk, Schmidt outlined the three phases of Africa's 500-
year history of free trade with the West: slavery, colonialism, and
post-colonial markets. Each time, he noted, the trade has brought
tremendous wealth to the West but catastrophe to Africa, with poverty steadily deepening and ever more millions of dead.

"Stewardee" Thomas
Bongani-Nkemdilim

"So far there's a pattern: Good for business, bad for people. Good for business, bad for people. Good for business, bad for people. That's why we're so happy to announce this fourth phase for business between Africa and the West: good for business--GOOD for people."

The conference took place on Saturday, November 11. The panel on which Schmidt spoke was entitled "Trade in Africa: Enhancing Relationships to Improve Net Worth." Some of the other panels in the conference were entitled "Re-Branding Africa" and "Growing Africa's Appetite."

Throughout the comments by Schmidt and his three co-panelists, which lasted 75 minutes, Schmidt's stewardee, Thomas Bongani-Nkemdilim, remained standing at respectful attention off to the side.

"This is what free trade's all about," said Schmidt. "It's about the freedom to buy and sell anything--even people."



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